Dear Oklahoma Wind:

Ok, I know you've got a reputation to uphold.  What, with being included in the first line of the state song, I realize you've got some pretty big shoes to fill.   I honestly don't mind you "sweeping down the plain" (preferably on days that I am not wearing a skirt) on occasion.   Sometimes you even help relieve some of the outrageous summer heat.  But let's be honest...

You're not a tornado
You're not a hurricane

Could you please stop pretending to be something you're not?  I realize that other wind related disasters get all the press and maybe you're just starved for attention, but seriously, the gale force winds for days on end have got to stop.  Making my car door almost impossible to open and threatening to strew the contents of my file folder across the city is completely unacceptable.  Also, "rats nest" is not a hairstyle I'm particularly fond of, so if you could leave my hair alone as well, I'd be much obliged. 

Once you calm down, I'd be happy to discuss the possiblity of potraying you in a better light, as a producer of energy, rather than a wrecker of semis and high-profile vehicles.  

Thank you for your attention to this matter and I hope to hear less from you soon.